I am spent. I don’t know how the heck I can possibly keep pumping for another 4 months. I’ve been pumping at work for 5 months and I am so tired. I am stressed out constantly about not having enough for the next day. I’m using a hospital grade pump, on domperidone, drink a ton of water and it’s not enough.
This morning Bronwyn decided 3:30 would be a good time to wake up for the day. All she wanted to do was nurse. When that happens there isn’t enough to pump in the morning. I’m not going to deny her in the middle of the night. I can’t keep this up anymore.
I. AM. TIRED.
I feel like a failure. I’m snapping at my husband, and becoming resentful.
If I quit though, I will resent that too. I feel like my body is letting me down. Just like it let me down in labor. I had a fully natural birth planned, but had to abandon that due to pre-eclampsia. I ended up with pitocin and an epidural. I regret that still. It was necessary at the time, but I still regret it. Just like if I have to go to formula I am afraid I will regret it. (This is NOT a bash on supplementing or formula feeders, nor is it a bash on medicated birth, please don’t read it that way).
With my supply being so temperamental I’m afraid that if I supplement during the day it’ll dry up and the breastfeeding will be done completely.
I don’t know what to do.
I just know what I’m doing isn’t working.
Oh, to top it off, I just found out today that my supply for domperidone can no longer ship to the US. I don’t have enough to last til January.